Friday, July 10, 2009

More For Black Women Interested in Dating White Men and Other Non-Black Men

Arguments Against Some Reasons You Are Told Not to Date Interracially:

First, I’ll start with a success story. Below the picture of wedding bells is a video of Traci and Jeremy, a married couple that met on EHarmony.

Traci & Jeremy, Married Aug 2007

To dissuade black women from dating interracially, some black folks will tell you to remember the racist acts perpetrated by white people against African-Americans. Not every white person is a racist. You can’t hold one person accountable for what others in their race did if they weren’t involved. Would you want everyone who first met you to assume you’re a criminal all because there are some black folks engaged in criminal activity? By the way, remember that even back in the day, during the civil rights era, there were some white people risking their lives to fight for the rights of black folks.
For example, during the civil rights era, there was a group known as the Freedom Riders that was comprised of blacks and whites; they traveled from the north of the U.S. to the south to register black voters. The group was threatened with physical harm, but they still pressed on with their mission, and unfortunately, some of them were killed. Were these white folks who were willing to suffer for the sake of black people racists?

Please recognize that there are kind and mean-spirited individuals in every race and give people the benefit of the doubt. The line of thinking on this paragraph should apply to your approach with any group of non-black people. For example, have you had bad experiences/know someone who’s had bad experiences with some Korean-Americans in Los Angeles? Don’t hold all Korean-Americans accountable for this. (I’ll make one exception to this principle by saying you shouldn’t date a man who is from a country where arranged marriages are common—like India—because the chances he will marry you are virtually nil.)

Additionally, those who seek to stop bw from dating out will sometimes say that the black race will die out eventually if bw date interracially. The harsh reality is that even if bw don’t date and marry out of the race, the black race in America is going to die off in the long-run. Consider that black females are only about 6% of the U.S. population, yet black women are 57% of the new HIV/AIDS cases. Some of these women will not seek testing or treatment until the illness has reached an aggressive phase and by then, it most likely will be too late. Consider the high murder rates because of gang activity in the black community. Consider that about 70% of black households in the U.S. are single-parent homes headed by women, which means many of the kids in those homes will be at-risk children who will become involved in life-threatening activities.

Consider that bm are increasingly dating and marrying out of their race, thereby giving birth to more biracial kids; there are biracial adults already asking not to be referred to as black and it won’t surprise me if the U.S. government eventually gives them their wish as they grow in number and political clout. Today, 13% of married bm are married to ww, whereas just a few years ago, the figure was 9% and it will keep rising. The 13% statistic is not even counting those who are married to women who are neither black nor white and it isn’t counting men who are having kids with non-black women, but are not married to them. All these factors point to the eventual decline in the population of black people in the U.S. even if black women choose to remain in the bondage of dating black men only. Since the race will decline no matter who black women choose to date, I hope more and more will choose to expand their dating pool to include non-black men. (I do acknowledge that the decline will happen faster if bw date interracially, but if the extinction in the U.S. is going to happen anyway, why keep holding out and reducing your chances of finding your soul mate?)

Also, the black race worldwide won’t die out because there is almost a whole continent full of black folks in Africa. I think, eventually, there will be so much dating/marriage between races that in about 50 – 75 years, people of mixed race will be the majority in the U.S. In 300 years, I won’t be surprised if they are pretty much the only ones left. The good news is that we won’t be the only race declining in numbers. Already there are whites posting comments on the Internet bemoaning the fact that white folks are mating interracially, which of course, leads to decline in the white population.

Something else to keep in mind is that the shortage of black men in the community is going to contribute to the death of more black women if they don’t start exercising other dating options. I say this because one of the reasons that bw are 57% of the new HIV/AIDS cases is that there are not enough men to go around in the black community. As a result, there are some women who so desperately want to keep a guy (or take him from someone else), that they allow the man to have unprotected sex with them to increase his pleasure. The extreme shortage has allowed so many bm to be like a kid in a candy shop—so some married men find it very easy to get girls to sleep with them even though the girls know the guy is married. If the ratio of available bm to bw weren’t so lop-sided, it would be less easy for these guys to get a girl (non-prostitute) to sleep with them. Some of these married men then catch HIV/AIDs and then spread it to their wives, mistresses and other women they sleep with. The dearth of quality, available bm is also adversely affecting the weight of bw. There are so many African-American women out there who are eating unhealthily because they are lonely or are suffering in a sub-par romantic relationship that leaves them feeling dejected and humiliated. We know that obesity is one of the factors that lead to heart disease, cancer and a host of other major illnesses that regularly send Americans to an early grave. Stop letting people delude/misdirect you with their “nothing but a bm” bromides because your happiness and in fact, your very life are at stake here.

More Wedding Bells!!!
A reader of one of the bw IR blogs (a bw I’ll just refer to her as “P”) recently got married to a non-bm man from France. Congratulations, P!

Another reader of one of the bw IR blogs (a bw I’ll refer to as “A”) is now engaged to a non-bm. She kicked her previous troublesome boyfriend to the curb, stepped out of the box with a quality man and is now reaping the rewards. Congratulations, A!

Also, a bw who is a family friend of a relative of mine is getting married to a non-black European guy she met in the U.S. Love is in the air! ^^^^ I’m doing a happy dance for my sisters! ^^^^


Check out my post titled “For Black Women Interested in Dating Outside Their Race.”

Please email this post to other black women by clicking on the envelope icon below.